After weeks of breathless anticipation, I finally received my California Official Voter Information Guide in the mail. Occasionally informative and always entertaining, this year’s Voter Information Guide does not disappoint!

• Gary David Copeland, Libertarian candidate for Governor:

  Seeking a better alternative? Do we ignore Milton Friedman, Herbert Spencer, Gene Roddenberry — some of my favorite philosophers — at our own peril?

  Friedman? The only economist who perhaps slides over into the “philosopher” category is Adam Smith, by virtue of his economic demigod stats. I’m afraid the jury’s still out on Friedman. As for Roddenberry, not only is he not a philosopher, but he’s a particularly strange choice for a Libertarian hero. After all, in Roddenberry’s Star Trek universe, the government is large, powerful, and (yet despite that) is reasonably efficient and effective¹. Contrast the Federation with, say, the Old Republic of the Star Wars universe, and you’ll see what I mean. There are umpteen science fiction luminaries who fit the libertarian point of view far better; the generation of such a list is left as an exercise for the reader.

• Kalee Przybylak, Natural Law Party candidate for Lieutenant Governor:

  I believe that through utilizing ‘natural laws’ and creating a unity consciousness throughout our electorate, we are better able to begin to address the needs of a changing society…

  Wow, first a pro-Federation candidate… and now a pro-Borg candidate. Heavens to Betsy.

• Jim King, American Independent Party candidate for Lieutenant Governor:

  I believe in God almighty, our creator, our Lord and Savior. The founders of our land also believed in God and in Judeo-Christian values and customs… [several more lines of theocratic stuff omitted]… Secular humanists, aboritionists nor socialists need not apply at my door of the office of Lieutenant Governor. If God is with me in this effort; then who can be against me? [emphasis mine]

  I sincerely hope that for Jim King’s own sake that he has not staked his belief in God’s existence, God’s omnipotence, or God’s personal love for Jim King on the eventual outcome of the election.

• Pat Wright, Libertarian candidate for Lieutenant Governor:

  My most recent crusade is the legalization of the domestic ferret in California, one of two states to ban them. For being visible and outspoken, I’ve had one ferret confiscated at his vet and euthanized, and armed agents broke down my door to seize my other ferrets. While ferrets are not an important issue to most Californians, how government works should be.

  Here I was all distracted over John Ashcroft and the TIPS program… and all the while, the jackbooted Ferret Police were running rampant!

• Paul Jerry Hannosh, Reform Party candidate for Lieutenant Governor:

  Also, we must end the liberal public education monopoly by allowing parents a choice of any private/religious school through tax credits. Competition will bring about an educational renaissance and will help us remain one nation, under God. “Righteousness exalts a nation…” Proverbs 14:34… [emphasis his]

  I’ve always wondered whether the people who propose such policies have considered the consequences of actually getting their way. After all, this “renaissance” of educational competition would result in millions of Good Christian tax dollars flowing directly to Satanists, Wiccans, Muslims, Mormons, Jews, and other undesirables. And besides, are we not cautioned to be leery of tearing down institutions? (“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1.)

• Jeanne-Marie Rosenmeier, Green Party candidate for Treasurer:

  The Green Party has a proven record of foresight…

  Of course, there’s the fact that nearly every US government action in the last two years that that the Greens oppose is, in fact, a direct consequence of Green political activity. But hey — other than that, the Greens are batting a thousand in the foresight department.

1. Of course, the Federation bumbles in various ways. Nevertheless, one of the driving themes in Star Trek is the sunny optimism that human institutions (i.e. Starfleet and the Federation) can be Pretty Strong and Reasonably Good and Not Very Oppressive all at the same time. One could even argue that the Federation is essentially a government of New (Clintonian) Democrats, logically extrapolated 300 years out. But with alien infestation scandals instead of sex scandals.