I miss the good old days of ballot propositions. Who could forget the rabbit punch of Proposition 187 coupled with the haymaker of electricity “deregulation”?¹ Distract the electorate and chattering classes with a red meat issue, while sneaking in a hopelessly complex piece of legislation that nobody bothers to pay attention to. Ah, good times, good times.

Back in the good old days, we were ruled by Machiavellian masters, and we liked it! But now? Feh. After scanning today’s ballot propositions, it is clear that today’s political manipulators are mere shadows of the masters of old. This year’s batch of propositions is so… transparent. To paraphrase one of the great observers of the American political scene, “Scruffy. So morbid. A sentimental replica of a politics long since vanished. No style at all.”

Actually, a couple of the propositions might be good ideas if they weren’t so hopelessly, so laughably, so obviously crafted by one organization based in Washington to cripple the political power base of the other. It sounds fair for union workers to get to vote on where their unions distribute campaign donations — until you realize that A) unions already do this, and B) I don’t get to say fuck-all about the lobbying practices of my company. “Pardon me, Mr. Semel, those ten dollars of my salary you’re spending this year on Lobbyist #833251? I’d like it back please. Thanks.” The same goes for fairer redistricting. Taking redistricting out of the hands of the party in power sounds like a very fair idea in principle. That is, until you realize that for some strange reason, this “fairer redistricting” only applies to California and not say, every other state in the Union. Or at least Texas. Weird oversight by the sponsors, isn’t it? I’ve heard of taking a knife to a gunfight, but throwing away your knife on the way to the gunfight, that’s something else entirely.²

The only ray of sunshine this year was that we do see the old trick of, 1) consumer advocates throw in one bill, 2) industry throws in a couple of very similarly worded ones and, 3) wooo, now we got ourselves a proposition par-tay! Still, I remember years past when the one consumer insurance proposition was surrounded by — what, three industry-sponsored ones? Seven? I forget. Anyway, this year the ratio is a pathetic 1:1. It’s like they’re not even trying. I am Officially Depressed.

1. I have to use quotes around “deregulation” so as not to offend the tender sensibilities of those people who like to scream, “But that wasn’t electricity deregulation!!!111!one! You Californians just fucked it up with your… California-ness!” Much like unreconstructed Communists (just sub in “communism” and “Russians”), you have to throw these people a bone and back sllloooowly away.

2. Anyway, fairer redistricting has nothing to do with “retired judges” — go back to playing canasta and bocce ball, retired judges! No, it’s really just a simple math problem. Set ((perimeter squared) / (area)) to some pretty low number. And allow lines to be drawn into U.S.-owned waters in order to eliminate problems with jagged coastlines. Poof. Gerrymandering disappears. I would consider it my duty as a citizen to spearhead this proposition myself… except, well, duh.