Thanks for seeing me. No, don’t get up. Oh, thanks, I’ve been good. How’s Linda doing? Awesome.

Heh, that’s what I like about you, man. Always down to business. Okay, here goes:

There’s this guy, see, and he plays in this tiny little club in Podunkville that nobody’s ever heard of. You can’t find it on any map, it’s totally underground. Now sure, there are a lot of bands that play this place, but they’re all just retreading old shit. You know, dinosaurs. But this guy? He’s different. He’s a beast. He’s the fucking King. Anyway, even though it’s a small place that no one’s ever heard of, the natives, like, worship him. It’s all, like, his own private little island. Know what I’m saying?

Now, what happens is, this sleazy producer hears about this place one day, you know the type — heh, right back atcha, man! — anyway, this really extra-sleazy producer type finds the place and brings his crew to check out the local talent. And this guy just blows ’em away. They can’t believe what they’re seeing. They’ve got to have him. So they bring him to the city…

How do they get him to the city? Oh, you know, the usual. Drugs, of course. And a hot chick. I’m thinking a Rachel McAdams type… well, anyway. That’s not so important.

The point is, they bring him to the city. And the sleazy producer was dead-on, the dude is a mega-star. No one’s ever seen anything this big before. But it’s not all wine and roses, you know what I’m saying? First off, the contract — well, you know how these things work. The guy is basically a slave. And he’s feeling trapped, you know, like he’s in a cage. He’s not the same artist he was before. He’s not the fucking King anymore. So what does he do?

He escapes his handlers! Breaks out! Goes on a fuckin’ rampage. Wrecks half the city!

What happens next? Well you know the rest. He takes on the city, the city destroys him. Fin. Tale as old as time.

Aha. Yeah. Well, okay, I hear that. No, I realize you’ve got a bunch of biopics coming up, but this isn’t really a — no, I understand. No, that’s cool, makes sense. I mean, I think it’s got some appeal in the tween market, but if you don’t think — yeah, okay. Hey, I just appreciate you hearing me out, you know what I’m saying? Thanks, you too. Let’s get lunch sometime soon. Excellent. Talk to you later. Give my best to Linda…

Wait, what’s that? Sorry, I didn’t catch that, say again?

Do I think there’s some way… to work in a monkey?