I have so much to do this weekend. It would be really great to be able to do things in montage time.

As Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and other thinkers have pointed out, there’s really nothing you can’t do in a montage. You can build a house. Tear down a house. Fall in love. Train to fight the heavyweight champion of the world. Take control of all cocaine distribution in Miami. Save New York City from a plague of ghosts. You might be tired at the end, but you’ll be all done in two minutes and thirty seconds, three minutes tops.

The only tricky part about montages is picking the right song for the job. For example, You’re the Best Around by Joe Esposito is a really excellent song for making it to the semi-finals of the All Valley Karate Tournament, but a really lousy song for… well, hmmm. Actually, You’re the Best Around is pretty good for any montage scene, with the possibile exception of falling in love.

Oh, and speaking of tearing down houses: isn’t it amazing what you can do to residential construction with just a small hammer and an eight inch prybar? I could take apart my entire building with these things!

Not that I would.

Unless I really ran out of things to do.