According to the dictionary, “schadenfreude” means “pleasure in the misfortune of
others”. White-collar Enron employees complaining about the vagaries of
hyper-capitalism? Schadenfreude. Alan Sokal’s
cosmic joke on
the editors of Social Text? Schadenfreude.
Microsoft getting burned by
its own bought-and-paid-for witness, Jerry Sanders of AMD? Achtung baby, it’s
schadenfreude.

But when M’ris announced that she is having DSL problems
(again), it was obviously inappropriate to feel schadenfreude. First, one can’t
feel schadenfreude at the misfortunes of one’s friends. It simply isn’t done. I can
certainly feel that way towards Pac Bell — for example, when they
are
investigated for fraud for “slamming” their customers (including me, for six
long months). But poor M’ris is an innocent bystander. I suppose that if I had warned
Mark and M’ris properly about DSL, I could feel “cassandritis”, or “smug satisfaction that your
prophecy of doom has come true.” But that would be wrong also. I didn’t rant and rave
at them. I didn’t warn them that not only is Pac Bell’s service generally lousy,
but because Pac Bell controls all the phone line central offices, they can (and do) screw
with the reliability of their DSL competitors (so no matter what you do in DSL-land,
you’re at their mercy.)

In other words, this is all really partly my fault. I didn’t
steer Mark and M’ris away from the foul clutches of Pac Bell. I failed in my
mission to do what is right and good and true.

Sorry, guys. My bad.